Uh, hey...

It's been awhile since I posted. So long ago that the name no longer applies. Hell I'm 30! Lol. No empty promises here. Just want to keep you up to speed. Since I last posted I've been in a serious relationship (6 months), I've turned 30, and I've been working my ass off! Unfortunately, my relationship didn't last. I'm thinking about posting a letter to my ex. It didn't end well y'all. But I've achieved some growth and been putting things into place that will help me continue to grow. I do miss him and the relationship sometimes but them I am reminded of some things and I refocus my thoughts. Love will come and I will wait. I'm not ready to date so I'm in chill mode. I'm working on the next chapter and once my life is fully restored then I think things will happen. At least that's what Chaun tells me. Well back to this pedicure I'm getting. This man is loving on me quite nicely. Y'all be sweet!

What's your defense mechanism?

So let's say you meet, or already know, someone great. Your personalities match, they meet most of the points on your list, and heck you just happen to have a good time with them. You begin to think that if all continues to go well, this may be the next person (for some, first) you attempt a real, live adult relationship with. You know, that thing you've been talking about with your friends. "Girl, I just want a man that I can blah, blah, blah..." Well, the opportunity is here now. What do you do? Do you join his/her team and together plow through obstacles? Or do you do what most people do when a great opportunity presents itself: play defense?
I'm guilty. I play defense. My methods: I try to find something wrong. And I also flat out run. I become less available. Instead of cutting others off, I date them more. We all have our things that we do. We make excuses because either we're not really ready for what we say we are or we just don't want to be happy. I think the worst is when we recognize our defense mechanisms and we carry them as a badge of honor. I dated a dude who always talked about how he had the tendency to date great women but he could never treat them right. It was as if he was bragging. I was thankful for the warning but how about we try to combat the issue instead? Small steps are okay. I'm definitely working on mine. When I subconsciously say things that can be identified as defensive, I identify it. I immediately try to counter my thoughts. I always say that my heart wants to love but my mind always talks me out it. I'm making effort to change that. You should too. It just might make you really happy.

I Always Do My Research

I've been teased by friends.  I've upset ex boyfriends.  I get calls from friends of friends needing me to help them figure how to figure out if their man is cheating.  Why? I am Inspector Gadget and I always do my research.  This is just not in relationships, but in just about everything that peaks my interest.  This is the information age and with so many resources available, why not use them to my advantage?  They have saved me from a lot of potential heartache.  For instance, one time I was dating this older guy.  We went out on dates and had fun together, but there was still something I couldn't put my finger on.  We planned an out of town trip one weekend and he called last minute to cancel.  It was nothing too unusual but still my antenna raised.  I think this was the day Inspector Gadget was born.  I hit the Internet.  I don't even think Google was Google at that time but I researched his name.  I got nothing.  I knew his parents lived in a small city, so I researched them and found the proper spelling of his last name.  From there I did researches on his college years and then BOOM, there it was: His Jet magazine profile of his wedding.  This fool was in Jet!!! From there, I found his house in Plano (which was listed under another name).  I confronted him coincidentally on the day he wanted to tell me about impending divorce o_O.  That didn't work for me, so the dating relationship ended.  I later found out that he was a major drug dealer as well.  I'd driven his 745 on numerous occasions; there could have been drugs in that car!!! 

All in all, my research saves me.  With facebook and twitter I can observe potential suitors and see how much they reveal about themselves.  Yeah I can ask, but that's a risk of being lied to. :-)

Until next time...
SP

A Necessary Evil

One of my twitter buds, a male, made the statement that dating is overrated.  I inquired why and he said, "It's too much these days and people are not real."  My reply was simply: What's the alternative?  And if you think about it, there is no alternative to dating... in America.

Dating in my opinion, is a necessary evil.  Sure it can be fun and if you are a female, a way to eat your favorite foods without paying. ;-)  But when you decide to date specifically for the sake of building an actual relationship with someone, that sh*t gets downright annoying.  Here's where I totally understand what #oomf was saying when he said, "...people are not real".  Some people send their representatives.  Some people really don't have the intentions that they say to have in the beginning.  This leads to you going through the process of getting to know someone, pre-qualifying them, only to find out a month or two later that it is not going to work.  TRUST ME, I would rather find out sooner than later.  However the annoying part about that is now you have to start all over again with whomever.  Nothing annoys me more than the get to know you questions.  Let me make myself clear when I say get to know you questions.  I do not like the typical ones like: What do you like to do? Tell me about yourself.  I feel that people can be more creative in that process.  Luckily for me, I haven't run across too many guys with lack of creativity.  Still, the process of getting to know someone can be quite tiring. 

My follower went on to say that dating is really more for the female.  This may seem true but guys like the company of a pretty lady from time to time.  A date will definitely get you some (time).  The act of courting is as old as time.  History tells us that it is the man who leads.  As a southern belle, I like the idea of that.  While it may seem like the man is invested more financially in the courtship, he has to remember the reward.  Back in the day it was a woman who kept a nice home, bore the children, and handled her biz for her boo.  Today, I don't think much of it has changed.  Men date for that same reward.  Sure with half these chicks around here, it's not that easy but if everyone has gold in their backyard doesn't the price go down?

Am I ever going to stop dating? I hope so (sans my weekly date with my future hubby)!  Until then, what time are you picking me up?

So Now What?

It's that period of time in between the time you first start seeing someone and the actual confirmation of a relationship.  Sometimes it happens right after the confirmation.  I call it the 'So Now What?' phase.  You go from being super excited about getting to know someone new to not having anything else to ask.  Of course there are still things that you need to know, but those things come about differently in my opinion.  This is the part of the courtship where things go from 60mph to about 30mph; when the real pace is established.  This phase is most important because it determines whether you are really going to actually be with the person or not.  Now if it goes from 60mph to 0, then you already know that the interest is no longer there.  I think 30 is a good pace to level off at.  But as a girl, I find myself struggling with 30 in the beginning.  You can't get me all used to certain things like morning texts, random midday texts, and phone calls only to stop doing a few of those things.  That's when the questions come: are we really compatible? Or am I moving on down his dating totem pole?  Should I focus on BillyBob?

At this point I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and just let it flow.  This is important if I really like the guy because I tend to be quick to shift my focus elsewhere to prevent getting dissed.  Hey...we all do it.  If the interest is there or not so be it.  If you focus on the 'so now what', you're not focusing on the actual now because you're too busy thinking.  That was kind of confusing, but I get ME lol!

Until I ramble again...
SP

I'm Single. Are you single?

Bored the other night, I came across this video on YouTube.  This guy always cracks me up.  Not to mention that light and bright is a cutie pie.  But aside from all that, I get what he was saying.  As a single woman, I always seem to struggle when it comes to just dating a guy.  I try to date multiple guys at a time and I always let the other parties involved know that I am dating.  I make it clear that dating does not equal having sex with multiple people but like he said, most guys don't really care about that ish.  In my experience, guys up the ante when they feel they are competing against others (regardless of if they really care to pursue a real relationship with me).  They begin to try and maximize their time with me in order to make it hard for me to date anyone else.  I see nothing wrong with this as long as the true intent is to land a great girl and NOT win a competition.  And this really works if I am feeling that specific guy the most.  This almost always happens, which makes dating multiples difficult for me.  There's always one I am going to like more than others, and he moves into what Mr. LaVigne calls the pre-boyfriend stage.  At that point, I don't care to date the others and I shift my focus to the pre-boyfriend.  And that is where I struggle.  I'm single and dating. Should I continue to date other guys until I know for sure what he wants to do?  The 'girl' in me just doesn't know what to do.

Then there is his side of things.  Has he moved me to the pre-girlfriend stage?  Is he still dating the other girls?  My favorite part of the video is when Jerry states that he is dating "like 4-5 girls! (I'm number 6?!)" I laughed hard at that, but that's exactly how I would respond.  Competition turns me away.  I don't like to compete.  I mean really, at what point does he decide that he wants to be in a relationship and when he does number 6 definitely doesn't sound like a front runner. 

This dating thing just confuses me.  They say date like a man.  Well damn it, I have never been a man so I really don't know how this thing goes.  I prefer that any dude I date be honest and hopefully he's not dating 4/5 girls.  Hopefully he's looking for and recognizes quality when he sees it.  I also hope that he recognize if he meshes with me before it gets too far.  That's all a girl can ask for...

Until next time,
SP

Traveling With No Bags

Here we are halfway through my final year of my twenties.  I'm supposed to have at least 50 entries on this blog but hey... I am here now.  As I have stated in the previous entry, I feel like I can speak more about certain situations in my life. 

29 and a half!  How do I feel? Hmm...I am feeling pretty good these days.  For the first time I can honestly say that I am traveling with no bags.  Yeah, I made that up so let me hip you to my lingo.  For the first time, I am not hanging on to any baggage from previous relationships.  And by baggage I mean the actual person.  My exes tend to hang on to me.  And normally I let them.  They continue to frustrate me and get jealous as I attempt to move on with my life.  BUT NOW my heart is as cold as an assassin...I got no patience, and I hate waiting...my bad. LOL! But no for real, I finally buckled down and told the guys of my past that their ship had sailed and there was no chance for us to be together again.  I think we all keep certain people in our lives just in case.  For me, I was keeping up with guys who had really wronged me.  While I knew there was no chance in hell, I didn't exactly let them know that.  So I put my big girl draws on and spoke up.  And when I tell you that it has been refreshing, it truly has.  I feel like I can date more freely or travel with no bags!

Now the dating thing has been another story.  LOL! Since I am a very picky dater, I don't date too often.  I have been spending a lot of time focusing on me, hanging with friends, and taking cold showers.  I am enjoying every minute of it though!

Until next post...