So yes I know it's been awhile but so much has happened since I last posted. But I'm back and ready to spit hot fiyah. Lol! Not really hot. But I'm ready to talk again. This time I feel I'm more at liberty to speak now that I've cleared up certain situations that I will speak more about soon. That way I can definitely get my readership up by tweeting out my link and posting it on Facebook. I was away mostly due to the fact that I was working my longterm temp assignment and the babies took a lot of attention. The other reason I was away was because I really didn't have much going on. But the good news is my dating life has been restored and ya girl is enjoying herself. So I will tell you about my misadventures on the road to whatever. I'll write you soon! Peace.
Oh and if there are typos it's because I'm doing this from my iPhone. And I'm not going to spell check.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Fairy Tales
"The story ends, as stories do
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise - of fairy tales..."
Forget putting my kids to bed with fairytale stories, I'm putting them to bed with Anita Baker's Fairy Tales. This way my girls will be prepared for womanhood and love. It's not so much that I don't agree with the fairy tale of finding love; it's that damn Prince Charming that I have issues with. It's what he represents and what he's done to many women (and men) in this world. Prince Charming represents a perfection that is impossible to find. I mean think about it... a white horse? Most dudes I know with that kind of ride are assholes. LOL!
But no really... the problem with perfection is that it does not exist. You see what happened to the Black Swan chick. You will die trying to be perfect or in the case of this blog, you will die waiting on it. I've heard both men and women nit-picking the things that their significant other doesn't do. Hell I've been told by a former lover about what I don't do. Apparently it scared him. He wanted someone who was going to do all the things that he needed. And he was released from his contract to find someone who does. The thing is: that person is going to be missing something too. Now this is a lesson that I've learned myself. In my quest to get my fairytale ending, it's one of the biggest lessons that I have learned. So instead of being obsessed with perfection, I'm looking for a close to perfection.
Is this settling?
Twenty three year old me is probably sucking her teeth and rolling her eyes right now. You see, she was big on not settling. Luckily, with age comes wisdom. I don't think that it is settling. I see it as maturity. I'm older and certain things don't matter to me anymore. So my dream guy list from 23 has some marks through it. Most of the superficial things are gone and have been replaced with important character traits. I've also learned not to focus on the things I don't like about a lover. Because in the end, I may realize that I was sweating the small stuff. You have to ask yourself: is this (whatever it may be) something that I absolutely can't live without? So as I move along looking for my last relationship I have to remember that those fairytales are not what they're cracked up to be. I can't expect the perfect man but I can expect one that's perfect enough. I just hope he doesn't mind me playing Anita Baker for our daughters every night.
Reality steps into view
No longer living life in paradise - of fairy tales..."
Forget putting my kids to bed with fairytale stories, I'm putting them to bed with Anita Baker's Fairy Tales. This way my girls will be prepared for womanhood and love. It's not so much that I don't agree with the fairy tale of finding love; it's that damn Prince Charming that I have issues with. It's what he represents and what he's done to many women (and men) in this world. Prince Charming represents a perfection that is impossible to find. I mean think about it... a white horse? Most dudes I know with that kind of ride are assholes. LOL!
But no really... the problem with perfection is that it does not exist. You see what happened to the Black Swan chick. You will die trying to be perfect or in the case of this blog, you will die waiting on it. I've heard both men and women nit-picking the things that their significant other doesn't do. Hell I've been told by a former lover about what I don't do. Apparently it scared him. He wanted someone who was going to do all the things that he needed. And he was released from his contract to find someone who does. The thing is: that person is going to be missing something too. Now this is a lesson that I've learned myself. In my quest to get my fairytale ending, it's one of the biggest lessons that I have learned. So instead of being obsessed with perfection, I'm looking for a close to perfection.
Is this settling?
Twenty three year old me is probably sucking her teeth and rolling her eyes right now. You see, she was big on not settling. Luckily, with age comes wisdom. I don't think that it is settling. I see it as maturity. I'm older and certain things don't matter to me anymore. So my dream guy list from 23 has some marks through it. Most of the superficial things are gone and have been replaced with important character traits. I've also learned not to focus on the things I don't like about a lover. Because in the end, I may realize that I was sweating the small stuff. You have to ask yourself: is this (whatever it may be) something that I absolutely can't live without? So as I move along looking for my last relationship I have to remember that those fairytales are not what they're cracked up to be. I can't expect the perfect man but I can expect one that's perfect enough. I just hope he doesn't mind me playing Anita Baker for our daughters every night.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Ninjas is Bitches Too
I feel like it's been forever since I have blogged but it's only been a week. I got myself a new gig, I am adapting so forgive me for my tardiness in post. I'm really only speaking to my 1 or 2 readers. LOL
Any who, it's a snow day here in Phoenixland. So I'm sitting here watching Pocahontas, washing clothes, and thinking. Anyone who knows me knows that I have crazy stories about the men I have had in my life. Some of them so unbelievable that they are worth putting them in a book...which I've started multiple times. As I sat here thinking, I thought about my last couple of efforts at the relationship/dating thing. They're all fairly different from each other because I don't have a specific type of man that I go for but they all have one thing in common: they don't know what the hell they want!
It's funny because men say that women never know what they want. But over a process of the last few years I have learned what I want in a man. And no, it's not a list of height, weight, and wallet size preferences; it's plain and simple. I want a man who knows what he wants. This includes all aspects of life: his aspirations, his woman, his children, everything. I believe that when a man is sure in what he wants it makes it easier for me to trust him. Think about our powerful leaders. They have such confidence in their goals that it makes it easier to follow them.
I say my last few had no clue. But let them tell it, they did. There was one who had these things that he knew his lady had to do. I adapted to the things that he wanted. He had a lady that cooked, cleaned, and sexed him up and yet he still found something wrong and stepped out on me. He had what he wanted right? Another just didn't know what he wanted at all. He thought he wanted me but then again he liked his freedom, but wait...he couldn't live without me, and then it was about the things I didn't do. Honey was too confused, I decided for him and left him the hell alone. So yeah, like I said, men always complain that woman are confused and never know what they want. After my last couple of rounds with them I have concluded that "Ninjas is bitches too". And I meant to say is...
Any who, it's a snow day here in Phoenixland. So I'm sitting here watching Pocahontas, washing clothes, and thinking. Anyone who knows me knows that I have crazy stories about the men I have had in my life. Some of them so unbelievable that they are worth putting them in a book...which I've started multiple times. As I sat here thinking, I thought about my last couple of efforts at the relationship/dating thing. They're all fairly different from each other because I don't have a specific type of man that I go for but they all have one thing in common: they don't know what the hell they want!
It's funny because men say that women never know what they want. But over a process of the last few years I have learned what I want in a man. And no, it's not a list of height, weight, and wallet size preferences; it's plain and simple. I want a man who knows what he wants. This includes all aspects of life: his aspirations, his woman, his children, everything. I believe that when a man is sure in what he wants it makes it easier for me to trust him. Think about our powerful leaders. They have such confidence in their goals that it makes it easier to follow them.
I say my last few had no clue. But let them tell it, they did. There was one who had these things that he knew his lady had to do. I adapted to the things that he wanted. He had a lady that cooked, cleaned, and sexed him up and yet he still found something wrong and stepped out on me. He had what he wanted right? Another just didn't know what he wanted at all. He thought he wanted me but then again he liked his freedom, but wait...he couldn't live without me, and then it was about the things I didn't do. Honey was too confused, I decided for him and left him the hell alone. So yeah, like I said, men always complain that woman are confused and never know what they want. After my last couple of rounds with them I have concluded that "Ninjas is bitches too". And I meant to say is...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Dear Future Husband...
Dear Future Husband,
I'm 29 years old and you are not here yet. It's perfectly fine, I am in no rush at the time. But there are some things that I want you to understand about the wait that will have some effect on our marriage. Let me explain. I've been on my own for 11 years now and majority of that time I have spent living alone. Habits have definitely formed and the longer I wait, the harder they will be to break. When I get off of work I like silence. When I come in the house I will probably nod your way or kiss you but after that: silence! Please don't think I am upset with you, please don't bombard me with questions about my day or what's for dinner. I will speak when I am ready. About dinner...my imagination leads me to believe that I will prepare you dinner 4-5 nights a week HOWEVER reality is I cook for myself 2-3 (in a good week). So I'll need you to work with me on the dinner thing. Umm what else? Oh yeah, I'm a bit of an ashy bear in the winter. I shave religiously in the summer but when winter time arrives, I lose my religion. Instead of shaving every 2 days, it's more like every week. Not to worry though, the older I get the less hair seems to grow back on my legs. And yes I'm really only speaking of my legs so don't worry about "other" areas. In my mind I think the extra hair on my legs keeps me warm. Maybe when you come around, I'll be motivated to shave. But like I said, the longer I wait... Another thing is I'm not as glamorous as you think I am. I know my facebook pictures look like I am a fun, cute girl that is kind of fashionable but please understand that I am a regular girl. I don't wear full make up, cute clothes, and heels around the house all the time. Hopefully in our courting phase, you will understand that and decide to stay. The financial side of things is a whole notha story. While I'm not a complete mess, there are some habits that I have with money that you may not understand. I pay my bills but there are other expenses that you may not understand but I guarantee you benefit from them. We'll just file that under maintenance. And then there's the kid thing. Sure I want them. Two sounds like a good number. However, if you don't get here in a good amount of time for us to date, get married, and enjoy a year or two of newlywed bliss; that two will turn to one. Any longer and the one will turn into a teacup pup and a pit. The older I am, the harder for me to maintain the bod you fell in love with and not to mention the health risk for the babies.
Anywho, I'm excited about the possibility of meeting you. Don't make me wait too long! MUAH!
Love,
Summer Pheezie!
I'm 29 years old and you are not here yet. It's perfectly fine, I am in no rush at the time. But there are some things that I want you to understand about the wait that will have some effect on our marriage. Let me explain. I've been on my own for 11 years now and majority of that time I have spent living alone. Habits have definitely formed and the longer I wait, the harder they will be to break. When I get off of work I like silence. When I come in the house I will probably nod your way or kiss you but after that: silence! Please don't think I am upset with you, please don't bombard me with questions about my day or what's for dinner. I will speak when I am ready. About dinner...my imagination leads me to believe that I will prepare you dinner 4-5 nights a week HOWEVER reality is I cook for myself 2-3 (in a good week). So I'll need you to work with me on the dinner thing. Umm what else? Oh yeah, I'm a bit of an ashy bear in the winter. I shave religiously in the summer but when winter time arrives, I lose my religion. Instead of shaving every 2 days, it's more like every week. Not to worry though, the older I get the less hair seems to grow back on my legs. And yes I'm really only speaking of my legs so don't worry about "other" areas. In my mind I think the extra hair on my legs keeps me warm. Maybe when you come around, I'll be motivated to shave. But like I said, the longer I wait... Another thing is I'm not as glamorous as you think I am. I know my facebook pictures look like I am a fun, cute girl that is kind of fashionable but please understand that I am a regular girl. I don't wear full make up, cute clothes, and heels around the house all the time. Hopefully in our courting phase, you will understand that and decide to stay. The financial side of things is a whole notha story. While I'm not a complete mess, there are some habits that I have with money that you may not understand. I pay my bills but there are other expenses that you may not understand but I guarantee you benefit from them. We'll just file that under maintenance. And then there's the kid thing. Sure I want them. Two sounds like a good number. However, if you don't get here in a good amount of time for us to date, get married, and enjoy a year or two of newlywed bliss; that two will turn to one. Any longer and the one will turn into a teacup pup and a pit. The older I am, the harder for me to maintain the bod you fell in love with and not to mention the health risk for the babies.
Anywho, I'm excited about the possibility of meeting you. Don't make me wait too long! MUAH!
Love,
Summer Pheezie!
Monday, January 17, 2011
The EX Files
I was writing a completely different blog when I received a call that led me to this one. If you're a single, black woman over the age of 25 I KNOW you can relate.
So my phone rings at 10:30pm, I look at the screen and notice its the name of an old, now married friend. I answer the phone with a confused hello. You know the "why the hell are you calling me" voice. And no, not because I'm mad or bitter but because I always think of the wife. Would she appreciate her man calling a female that she doesn't know at 10:30? I'm sure the answer is no hence my attitude. The conversation is light. He asks how I've been, I tell him. I ask him about his wife, he makes light of their marriage. And then the conversation turns when he says, "Man I wish you could of been my wife". (Le sigh) The conversation ended shortly after that.
The sad part about this conversation is that I have had it with more than one married man from my past. They all call under the guise that they are just checking on me and then it always turn to the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. I wonder how many women from their past that they call and try to reminisce with. Now I could be all full of myself and think that it's just me that they call but I know better than that. What is it with guys and their dreams of what could have been? It makes me nervous about my future hubby. Is he going to be calling up his college sweetheart? I have had two of the guys tell me that they were in the process of getting a divorce and the two of them are still married. Maybe they were hoping that by telling me that, I would give them some predivorce booty. Luckily I am smarter than your average bear. I do my duty and pay no mind to these married men. I respect marriage. I do this in hopes that one day if my husband decides to go back down memory lane, he comes across a woman like me.
So my phone rings at 10:30pm, I look at the screen and notice its the name of an old, now married friend. I answer the phone with a confused hello. You know the "why the hell are you calling me" voice. And no, not because I'm mad or bitter but because I always think of the wife. Would she appreciate her man calling a female that she doesn't know at 10:30? I'm sure the answer is no hence my attitude. The conversation is light. He asks how I've been, I tell him. I ask him about his wife, he makes light of their marriage. And then the conversation turns when he says, "Man I wish you could of been my wife". (Le sigh) The conversation ended shortly after that.
The sad part about this conversation is that I have had it with more than one married man from my past. They all call under the guise that they are just checking on me and then it always turn to the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. I wonder how many women from their past that they call and try to reminisce with. Now I could be all full of myself and think that it's just me that they call but I know better than that. What is it with guys and their dreams of what could have been? It makes me nervous about my future hubby. Is he going to be calling up his college sweetheart? I have had two of the guys tell me that they were in the process of getting a divorce and the two of them are still married. Maybe they were hoping that by telling me that, I would give them some predivorce booty. Luckily I am smarter than your average bear. I do my duty and pay no mind to these married men. I respect marriage. I do this in hopes that one day if my husband decides to go back down memory lane, he comes across a woman like me.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tardy For the Party
I had a recent text convo with a friend:
Friend: You should come out to Bella32 tonight!
Me: No, it's too much for my taste.
Friend: What do you mean girl?
Me: I like Hosea Chanchez but I don't want to party with him and all the people who want to party with him. It's going to be entirely too much going on there for me.
She was still utterly confused. What she didn't understand was between the ages of 18-27, I partied hard. When I say partied, I mean partied. At 18, I went to a university known as a party (as well as academics) school. From Thursday to Sunday night me and my girls hit the ground running. And not just the cute partying like we do now. I mean the 'go straight to the middle of the club and dance til our hair sweated out' partying. By 21, my party days had reduced but not only was I partying at school; it became a traveling thing. When I would go home on visits, my family would barely see me. Why? Because I was headed out to the IT clubs in the city. Not to mention those road trips to party at other colleges. By 23 I was national, well...in Miami at least once a year. My partying in Miami included being ushered into VIP with NFL players, singers, rappers, and producers. Dancing on top of tables until the break of dawn, going to breakfast, and then back home for a 3 hour nap before getting up to do it all over again. Leaving hotels to be put up with my girls in condos with car service. Ahh...the memories! By 25 I was enjoying my new found adult life in my hometown. Dating, dancing, and partying from Thursday to Sunday all while working a full time job and attending night school. And I can't forget the occasional trips to Houston, New York, Cali, etc. for weekend fun. I became a self proclaimed "social butterfly" of the Dallas scene, getting to know all the party promoters for exclusive access to bottle service and a good time. By 27, I was tired. A new school of partiers had been ushered in. I became thirsty for more in life.
So here I am at 29. Don't get me wrong, if the occasion and the club is right, I'm in there. But on an average Friday night, going to the club hosted by an actor and a couple of local celebrities doesn't appeal to me. Call me lame but I would rather have a nice night cuddling with a boo, drinking with the crew, or by myself watching a House marathon on Bravo. Dinner parties get me going! An opportunity for interesting conversation with a friend of a friend float my boat. Oh yeah, concerts and comedy shows too! The club thing is over for me. I am ready for the next phase in life. And while my friend was totally confused as to why I was being lame, it was her who was totally tardy for the party. Cause honey, you're just now getting started...I've been there, done that, and moved on.
Friend: You should come out to Bella32 tonight!
Me: No, it's too much for my taste.
Friend: What do you mean girl?
Me: I like Hosea Chanchez but I don't want to party with him and all the people who want to party with him. It's going to be entirely too much going on there for me.
She was still utterly confused. What she didn't understand was between the ages of 18-27, I partied hard. When I say partied, I mean partied. At 18, I went to a university known as a party (as well as academics) school. From Thursday to Sunday night me and my girls hit the ground running. And not just the cute partying like we do now. I mean the 'go straight to the middle of the club and dance til our hair sweated out' partying. By 21, my party days had reduced but not only was I partying at school; it became a traveling thing. When I would go home on visits, my family would barely see me. Why? Because I was headed out to the IT clubs in the city. Not to mention those road trips to party at other colleges. By 23 I was national, well...in Miami at least once a year. My partying in Miami included being ushered into VIP with NFL players, singers, rappers, and producers. Dancing on top of tables until the break of dawn, going to breakfast, and then back home for a 3 hour nap before getting up to do it all over again. Leaving hotels to be put up with my girls in condos with car service. Ahh...the memories! By 25 I was enjoying my new found adult life in my hometown. Dating, dancing, and partying from Thursday to Sunday all while working a full time job and attending night school. And I can't forget the occasional trips to Houston, New York, Cali, etc. for weekend fun. I became a self proclaimed "social butterfly" of the Dallas scene, getting to know all the party promoters for exclusive access to bottle service and a good time. By 27, I was tired. A new school of partiers had been ushered in. I became thirsty for more in life.
So here I am at 29. Don't get me wrong, if the occasion and the club is right, I'm in there. But on an average Friday night, going to the club hosted by an actor and a couple of local celebrities doesn't appeal to me. Call me lame but I would rather have a nice night cuddling with a boo, drinking with the crew, or by myself watching a House marathon on Bravo. Dinner parties get me going! An opportunity for interesting conversation with a friend of a friend float my boat. Oh yeah, concerts and comedy shows too! The club thing is over for me. I am ready for the next phase in life. And while my friend was totally confused as to why I was being lame, it was her who was totally tardy for the party. Cause honey, you're just now getting started...I've been there, done that, and moved on.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Puppy Love is the Sweetest Love
Sometimes I find myself thinking about my first real boyfriend. Yes, the one I was with nearly 10 years ago in high school. The one who is now a preacher and also married with children. And no, not because he's now some successful Adonis (he's put on 30 pounds) but because the love we had for each other was pure. At 15, the adults around us passed off our love as puppy love. They knew our "together forever" promises would fade either in high school or shortly after we went off to college. Regardless, we felt that we were going to be together forever. As an adult, I honestly feel like I truly loved him. There was a deep trust in him. This was before heartbreak... before the games.
Now I feel like hardly any one truly loves anymore. The trust in love now is like trying to sleep with one eye open; it ain't gone happen. Each person is trying to protect their heart. I feel like you can't give your heart away if you're too busy protecting it. I'm guilty of it myself but in this year of pressing 30, I promised myself that I would be more open to love. I want the puppy love that will have naysayers doubting its authenticity. I want the puppy love that will give other women hope. And trust, when it happens...you'll be the first to know. Who knows, it may already be around me but I've been blocking it...
Now I feel like hardly any one truly loves anymore. The trust in love now is like trying to sleep with one eye open; it ain't gone happen. Each person is trying to protect their heart. I feel like you can't give your heart away if you're too busy protecting it. I'm guilty of it myself but in this year of pressing 30, I promised myself that I would be more open to love. I want the puppy love that will have naysayers doubting its authenticity. I want the puppy love that will give other women hope. And trust, when it happens...you'll be the first to know. Who knows, it may already be around me but I've been blocking it...
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