Sometimes I find myself thinking about my first real boyfriend. Yes, the one I was with nearly 10 years ago in high school. The one who is now a preacher and also married with children. And no, not because he's now some successful Adonis (he's put on 30 pounds) but because the love we had for each other was pure. At 15, the adults around us passed off our love as puppy love. They knew our "together forever" promises would fade either in high school or shortly after we went off to college. Regardless, we felt that we were going to be together forever. As an adult, I honestly feel like I truly loved him. There was a deep trust in him. This was before heartbreak... before the games.
Now I feel like hardly any one truly loves anymore. The trust in love now is like trying to sleep with one eye open; it ain't gone happen. Each person is trying to protect their heart. I feel like you can't give your heart away if you're too busy protecting it. I'm guilty of it myself but in this year of pressing 30, I promised myself that I would be more open to love. I want the puppy love that will have naysayers doubting its authenticity. I want the puppy love that will give other women hope. And trust, when it happens...you'll be the first to know. Who knows, it may already be around me but I've been blocking it...
I realized recently that I had not told a man "I love you" in years or been told that. In highschool you would get off the phone with your dude and it was automatic! lol. The thought of being completely enamored with someone the way I was then is kind of foreign to me...suppose I should open myself up to the idea of "love" as well...
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